Decision need to be made

This year is a tough year, even though it was started with one of the biggest blessing in my life: Javejave.
But all this year I had a big battle in my heart, whenever I should stop working (selling stuffs in my online shop), or focusing in parenting. One day I decide to stop, the next day I keep selling stuffs. And let say I sell pretty good. Not all the time of course, but it's all ok. I had met various people while I sell stuffs and a lot of experience, not everything good, but everything makes me learn a new thing over another.

In the middle of my battle of "continue or not". I was attack by many jealousy which I don't wanna share too much here. And may it stay in privacy with my closest friends. But anyway a year almost passed before I even realize. This is November. My Jave2 is 10 months. And he will be 1 year next year January 2014. I know that I finally need to make a final decision. And there will be no argue about it. I will stop selling and focusing on both my boys.

I just never realize that Ruel had grown up so big. He will be 8 next year. And he will be in the 3rd grade. He had going much taller, he feels, he thinks, and he decide many things. This year speed up his mental growth more than many many years behind. And I know why. He had a baby brother and mom is pretty much divided by dedek Javejave, works, and him. He loves his baby brother of course, a lot. But I know he wants me more. And I will give him that. His childhood can never back. So let's pray for me, friends... I had stuffs that I need to sells before everything comes to the end. And I can only hope it will sell as fast as it can because I am running of time. Why running of time? Because childhood don't wait for me. And no matter what, I know God will help me. I love you, Ruel and Javejave. When you grow up, and this blog still exist, and you are reading this, you know that I love you more than everything and more than the air I can breathe.

 This is my handsome Ruel.. he is now falling in love with dinosaurs. When he was  a little boy, I pretty much wonder why he has no interest with it. But now.. :) Hmm.. his days is full with it. And T-Rex is his fave one. :)

This is my cutest little one, Javejave. He is 10 months. He loves me (of course), and whenever I shown up, he will reach his hands to me. He loves to smile, and he laugh a lot. He is full of joy, loud like his brother (yes both my boys ARE loud and I am happy for it! I love LOUD boys in house! ^^ ). 

So this is me. And these are the boys I am giving my life for. :)

Nite.. nite...

I am so tired today.
Just took lots of photos for my friend's business, cloths and cloths. And now my eye is blurry.
But I am glad I took 3 shoots of Ruel before he went sleep. :)




I wish I can took moooore photos of him. :)
Been so busy lately, and his childhood won't be repeated, so yeah need more photos!! :)

This is a photo of him an hour before he slept.

G'nite everyone.
Off to sleep.. ZzzZzzz....

Ruel promised miss Marsella that he will pray for a boy who fall at school last night, and he did that, he said he wants to pray for him. :) I am so happy. We were in the middle of teaching him to be a blessing start from praying for others.

Start from yesterday night, we will start to pray for other person one in a day. Ruel will pick the person. :)

Magic Heart

There's an unexplained magic a child can put in your heart.
Thanks for the sweet magic, Ruel...
I love you..

Ruel and "One Only"

Ruel: mommy, i want chocolate.

Me: "one only, ok?"

Ruel: ok, mommy...
*ruel eating Delfi chocolate, Ruel go outside and back with a box of Astor.

"mommy..."

Me: "Didn't mommy say, 'one only'?"

Ruel: "yes mommy, this is also "one only."
*showing me other kind of chocolate.

Ruel is 4!!!!

Ruel is 4!!
Can you believe it?!!

I am truly really really really thankful for this, thank God will all of my heart.
It's been a hard way but also a joyful day in the same time.
A beautiful day I will never ever regret.
An unbelievable experience a human can feel.
And I know all of you know what I am talking about when it comes to our children...


Joeruel is 4th!
Thank you, Jesus!!

God again had bring miracle of life for our family 4 years ago by sending Joeruel into our family.

And He had keep him, bless his way, taking care of him, change him, paints his life... to be Joeruel today. And I thankful with no ends for this.

Love you God.. and love you, Ruel.... my beloved son ever!


and I don't wanna missed to capture his early minutes of "4 year old" sleeping face of course!! ;)



My sleeping baby Ruel, just turns 4, few minutes ago.
And this is his "4 year old" sleeping face. Still so "baby-ish". :)

He had been waiting VERY impatiently for his 4th birthday and kept asking about his birthday present. And also kept asking if days had changed into Tuesday. :)

Now is the day, Ruel..

I wish you a happy birthday...
a super beautiful birthday a son can ever expect.

And most of all.... mommy wish you will always walking in God's way... truly love Him, obey His words, and there's nothing in this world you should worry anymore.. as you are His son... and your Father in Heaven will take care of you.. even when your mommy and daddy "world" can't. Because we are limited, but He is unlimited...

Love you, son.. and you won't believe how much, how deep, and how wide... I love you...

miss you Ruel..

miss you... Ruel... while u were sleeping...

and Hansel wrote this at FB:

Sleep my Baby on my bosom
Warm & cozy it'll prove
Round thee mother's arms are folding
In her heart a mother's love
Then shall no one come to harm thee... See More
Nor shall ever break thy rest
Sleep my darling Babe in quiet
Sleep in mother's gentle breast

Thank u so much, Sel...
so sweet, gentle, and beautiful poem in this silent night...