Decision need to be made

This year is a tough year, even though it was started with one of the biggest blessing in my life: Javejave.
But all this year I had a big battle in my heart, whenever I should stop working (selling stuffs in my online shop), or focusing in parenting. One day I decide to stop, the next day I keep selling stuffs. And let say I sell pretty good. Not all the time of course, but it's all ok. I had met various people while I sell stuffs and a lot of experience, not everything good, but everything makes me learn a new thing over another.

In the middle of my battle of "continue or not". I was attack by many jealousy which I don't wanna share too much here. And may it stay in privacy with my closest friends. But anyway a year almost passed before I even realize. This is November. My Jave2 is 10 months. And he will be 1 year next year January 2014. I know that I finally need to make a final decision. And there will be no argue about it. I will stop selling and focusing on both my boys.

I just never realize that Ruel had grown up so big. He will be 8 next year. And he will be in the 3rd grade. He had going much taller, he feels, he thinks, and he decide many things. This year speed up his mental growth more than many many years behind. And I know why. He had a baby brother and mom is pretty much divided by dedek Javejave, works, and him. He loves his baby brother of course, a lot. But I know he wants me more. And I will give him that. His childhood can never back. So let's pray for me, friends... I had stuffs that I need to sells before everything comes to the end. And I can only hope it will sell as fast as it can because I am running of time. Why running of time? Because childhood don't wait for me. And no matter what, I know God will help me. I love you, Ruel and Javejave. When you grow up, and this blog still exist, and you are reading this, you know that I love you more than everything and more than the air I can breathe.

 This is my handsome Ruel.. he is now falling in love with dinosaurs. When he was  a little boy, I pretty much wonder why he has no interest with it. But now.. :) Hmm.. his days is full with it. And T-Rex is his fave one. :)

This is my cutest little one, Javejave. He is 10 months. He loves me (of course), and whenever I shown up, he will reach his hands to me. He loves to smile, and he laugh a lot. He is full of joy, loud like his brother (yes both my boys ARE loud and I am happy for it! I love LOUD boys in house! ^^ ). 

So this is me. And these are the boys I am giving my life for. :)

Restart!

I am practically have too much blog and not updating for years. Poor me, and bad bad blogger.
However why I decide to use this blog instead of the others, simply because the name of the blog is pretty much summed up my life and what been happen to me years and what changed my life the most.

During the hiatus of me "writing about life". I actually still write here and there. But none of them published or published with anonymous. Wasted? Not for me. Or maybe pretty much, LOL. But since writing is my hidden therapy, I don't feel wasted. I realize I been destroying too much (seriously TOO MUCH) writing I had done for years. Some of them I regret, some of them, I am not.

But anyway, I hope I can actually start writing again.

Pardon whatever I said here. Coz I will be completely honest.
You will see me worshiping and adoring God but you can also see me when I want someone's blood. Ok, that's hyperbolic, but well that's me! :D